Blame it on the black star ★
Sometimes things didn’t go as I wished they did. Sometimes I feel like I gave everything I could, but the results still leave much to be desired. And after I receive them, I still don’t know how I could have done better. I tried different approaches, but nothing works.
I feel like a rock kicked on the pavement. I move forward, but I don’t have any agency over what will be the outcome.
I get stuck in this endless feedback loop where I prepare, I get poor results, I try to prepare better, and yet I still get poor results. Trying feels pointless, because no matter how much effort I put in, I only land in the same place - somewhere around “average.”
It really sucks. I don’t want to be average. I want to do better than my best, which seemingly only reaches mediocrity. I cannot progress like there’s a glass ceiling over me.
I can’t blame myself for not enough because I know I tried my best. So maybe there is nothing that I could do except to blame it on the black star.
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